A PERSON WHO LOVES

People learn to love. Love doesn't just happen. It doesn't appear to be an innate or inborn characteristic. The ability to love must be taught and is acquired within a social context. It is a skill upon which other relationships build.

A person who loves --

- has empathy for the loved one, meaning that the person understands and feels the feelings the other experiences, which are shared intimately;

- is deeply concerned for the welfare and happiness of the loved one. This concern is deep that it enters into the way a person patterns his or her daily existence. It affects how that person makes decisions and plans for the future;

- is not merely concerned about the loved one's welfare, but does something about it. The person who loves finds pleasure in actively working for the other's welfare. Time and money are given freely toward this end; and

- allows the loved one the freedom and independence to chart his or her own course in life. A person who loves is not possessive, but fully accepts the other's unique individuality. The loved one is free to act and become whatever he or she wants to become.

These characteristics of love apply equally well to parent-child relationships between old friends, and long-term partnerships between lovers.

THIS THING CALLED LOVE

Love doesn't just happen!
It is a skill upon which other
relationships build!

Whatever the definition, psychologists agree that the ability to love, to care for others, and to engage in mature sexual behavior is a product of learning that begins in infancy. We need to be loved and are born with the capacity to love, but love has to be learned.

Research has shown that abusive and unloving parents are more than likely the products of loveless and abused childhoods themselves. Studies also reveal that a high percentage of criminals were physically abused or neglected as children. Being deprived of loving experiences at critical points in childhood can produce unhealthy behavior in later life. People learn to love. Love doesn't just happen. It does not appear to be an innate or inborn characteristics. The ability to love must be taught and is acquired within a social context. It is a skill upon which other relationships build.