JOKE TIME - DOOR-TO-DOOR

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet!"

ja ja ja!!! yaiiikkk!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - BROKEN HEART

"The greatest pain that comes from love
is loving someone you can never have."

Anonymous

DRAMA MAMA

There's a saying that goes: "Save the drama for your mama." But in this case, the mama caused the drama that led to her sons not moving forward with marrying their fiancees. The saga began when the mother of the young men and the mother of the young women got into a heated argument over the color of the bridal gowns. The argument turned into a knock-down-drag-out between the two women. The daughters attempt to break up the fight only worsened the situation. Angry and disheveled, the mother of the young men went home and ordered them to call off the weddings.


In many parts of the world, a son might try to talk his mom out of the decision, or go to the father to get him to persuade mom to change her mind, but not here, mother's wishes are not be ignored; the sons immediately called off the wedding without question.

"Better a broken engagement today, than a broken home tomorrow!"

WHAT'S IN A WORD - EUREKA

Archimedes

A cry of triumph!!!

"I have found it!" Archimedes, the ancient scientist of Syracuse, Sicily, is supposed to have run through the streets shouting, "Eureka, Eureka," after he had discovered a method of finding the exact amount of gold in a crown. This discovery led to the formulation of the principles of flotation. Eureka is a cry of triumph.

Appropriately, it is the motto of California where gold was once found in a different way.

OF CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

What drives a person to commit heinous crime? How can someone take the life of another? There are probably many reasons for committing the act, but how they can do it is in their mental makeup. Would capital punishment handed down to law violators help solve human lawlessness? What could possibly be too cruel and unusual punishment for the gravest crime committed?

There is no question that punishment serves many purposes. For many reasons, the issue of punishment is of vital concern to civilized society, with the end in view of knowing the effects and the best way of carrying it out. We want to punish, but we also want to know that such punishment is justified.

FINGER POINTING

A man asked his father-in-law, “Many people praised you for a successful marriage, could you please share with me your secret?”. The father-in-law answered in a smile, “Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, he could not find a better husband than you.”

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war.

We should always remember than when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistakes, too. Finger pointing doesn’t solve any problem. It normally leads in out of control, heated personal attacks, badmouthing, the end result is physical fighting.



A few rules should be set in place to maintain a level of civility.

WHAT'S IN A WORD - SERENDIPITY

Serendip is a form of the old Arabic name of the island of Ceylon. In a letter written on January 28, 1754, Horace Walpole tells that he coined the word serendipity from the title of a story, "The Three Princess of Serendip," the heroes of which "were always making discoveries, by accident and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of." Hence, serendipity is the ability to make lucky finds, the gift or faculty of making unexpected and happy discoveries by accident.

SEXUAL RESPONSIBILITY

Liking, loving, and sexual relationships form the human connection that expands the boundaries of self. The person who does not reach out for the hand of another, or whose extended hand is not grasped by another, is cut adrift. The isolated individual may become lonely or depressed. But the person whose life includes love and intimacy is a person whose life is enriched.

To promote a positive outlook on our own sexuality, we need to remember that sex is more than just a set of learned techniques, of pleasurable sensations. We need to accept our own body and the responsibility for someone else's. We must be willing to give and receive. But it is not enough to know what to do physically. For many, the most satisfactory sexual relationship takes place within a loving, caring relationship. If we want sex to reach its potential as a fulfilling human experience, we need to develop attitudes of trust and sharing. Sex strips us of our protective masks. It opens up our vulnerability. That is why it can be so frightening if misused and so glorious if filled with assurances of love and respect.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - EYE

"The eye speaks with an eloquence
and truthfulness surpassing speech. It
is the window out of which the winged thoughts
often fly unwittingly. It is the tiny magic
mirror on whose crystal surface the
moods of feeling fitfully play, like
the sunlight and shadow on a
still stream."



Henry Theodore Tuckerman

WHAT'S IN A PHRASE - "MAKING WITH THE EYES"

The "wool is being pulled over your eyes" when you allow yourself to be inveigled into something. Inveigle comes from aveugle, French for blind, which goes back to oculus, the Latin word for eye (ab + oculus, without the use of your eyes).

If you "make eyes at a girl" or "give her the eye" you are ogling her. Ogle comes from the Dutch word for eye and is related both to the German word auge and the Latin oculus. A supercillious person is one who arches his eyebrows and looks down his nose at you; in other words, "a high-brow" who "high-hats" you. Supercillious is made up of super (above or high) and cillia (eyelids or eyebrows). A person who is haughty (French haut, high) is just "uppity."

If you "close your eyes to" something that you know is going to happen you are guilty of conniving, the literal meaning of which is "winking along with."

ANIMAL WORLD - OKAPI

The okapi wash its own ears with its fourteen-inch-long tongue. It also uses the tongue to flick flies from its withers, clean its face, and reach the tender shoots of tall shrubs and trees. The okapi has a shape reminiscent of giraffe. It is smaller and has a shorter neck. It is deep reddish brown with black-and-white zebra-striped legs.

ARE YOU A HYPOCHONDRIAC?

I believe my work colleague is suffering from hypochondriasis. He worries excessively about his physical health, even when there is little or no evidence that anything is wrong with him. When one symptom goes away, another takes its place. Everyday he talks about his physical health; pains in the chest one day, stomach cramps the next, and headaches the third. These complaints do not usually follow any logical pattern. He browses the internet for hours about anything affecting his health hoping to find a magic cure for this pain, that pain, any pain.

Many of us experience the symptoms of hypochondriasis at one time or another. But the true hypochondriac usually sees these symptoms as evidence of deadly illnesses. They are preoccupied with health matters and have unrealistic fear of disease. A clean bill of health from various doctors may provide little reassurance. The hypochondriac either continues to believe that the illness is present or acquires another to take its place.

VALUE AND APPROPRIATENESS

Originality in itself does not guarantee the creative spark. What we create must have value for either ourselves or others. We can work at a problem in many new ways, but if our answers are consistently wrong, originality means nothing. Creativity is always appropriate to the problems or situation. We can talk in gibberish, but if no one understands what we are saying, our originality is without value.

Value and appropriateness both characterize the creative products.

WHAT'S YOUR WIFE'S NAME?

Strange Story

Does it need to be said that if you are going to get a divorce it helps to remember the name of your wife? Apparently so.



Sorry, Your Honor,
I forgot my wife's name!!!


A man in his 70s went to a local court seeking a divorce from his wife of 18 years. When the judge inconvenienced the man by asking him the name of his wife, the man couldn't remember and just gave the judge a few names to pick from--none of which turned out to be correct. The judge asked the man to come back after he had collected enough data about his wife.

Perhaps this gives an indication as to why the marriage failed; people like loved ones to remember their names!

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY - LORD BYRON

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY


by
Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heavens to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow.
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

HAPPY HEART DAY TO ALL!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - ORIGINALITY

"Originality exists in every individual
because each of us differs from the others.
We are all primary numbers divisible
only by ourselves."



Jean Guitton

A RECIPE OF CREATIVITY

A cup of this ...
A teaspoon of that ...
A pinch of this ...
A slice of that ...

The process of being creative involves expressing one's thoughts or feelings in a new way. Familiar materials--words, paint, musical tones, mathematical data--are rearranged to produce a unique product that expresses the capabilities of a unique individual.

The creative process involves being unconventional--striking out on your own and doing something differently. If you copy another person's painting, not adding anything to the other person's idea, your work is not creative, no matter how skilled you are. But even a painting or a badly worded sentence can be creative, if it brings new insight and freshness to the topic. Novelty, unconventionality, and freshness are essential ingredients of creative process.

UPWARD AND DOWNWARD INFLECTION

A student asked what inflection in voice is all about.

If we don't have inflection in our voice, we do not have vocal variation. Our voice sound monotone, which is comparable to listening to a boring professor giving a speech. Usually, downward inflection allows others to perceive that we are making a serious statement, but too much downward inflection can lead to a boring monotone conversation. Obviously, we do not want to bore the person we are talking to, so spice up speech with a little inflection.

Generally, our voice will have an upward inflection at the end of a sentence that is posed as a question. In this case, upward inflection is good; it shows curiosity. But if you use upward inflection with all your thoughts, soon you will sound as if you do not hold much certainty in your own statements. You will constantly appear to be asking for approval, even if that is not how you mean to sound, so be cautious at what points in your speech you make your voice go upward or downward.

TRIVIA - EVOLUTION

Charles Darwin

Did you know that Charles Darwin rarely used the term "evolution." It was popularized by the English sociologist Herbert Spencer, who also popularized the phrase, "survival of the fittest."

Herbert Spencer

THE KILLER TORTOISE

Aeschylus

The Greek playwright Aeschylus, according to some sources, was killed by a tortoise.

How did it happen?

The animal, it is said, was dropped from the claws of an eagle flying overhead, which mistook Aeschylus' bald head for a rock! uggghhh!!!



Baldy-baldy beware of eagle flying overhead!!!

JOKE TIME - THE GOLDFISH AND THE CAT

Yummyyy!!!

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked,

"What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"

"My goldfish died,"


replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up,

"and I've just buried him."


The neighbor was concerned,

"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"


As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied,

"That's because he's inside your cat!"

ARTICULATION

Here's to my work colleague,
who speaks so fast like a parrot
that you can hardly understand
a word he says, ja ja ja!!!

Has anyone ever told you to enunciate better? If they have, they were referring to your articulation. If you tend to slur words and thoughts together, you may be viewed as having vague ideas or an uninterested or intolerant attitude to the one you are conversing with.

So that others realize you care about your thoughts and opinions, and that you have a clear mind, practice speaking more clearly. If you don't know how to say a word accurately, look it up in the dictionary, and discover how to pronounce it properly. Usually clear speech gets much more attention because others view you as being more serious and able to put together clear thoughts.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - FLOWERS

"Where flowers bloom

so does hope."

Lady Bird Johnson

GREEN WORLD - YELLOW PRIMROSE

Yellow primrose

The yellow evening primrose
opens only at dusk, and so swiftly
that it can be seen and heard.

The buds sound like popping
soap bubbles as they burst.

MYTH - FACT - MARGARINE

Myth

Margarine has less fat than butter.


Fact

Blame this one on slick marketing. A teaspoon of butter and stick margarine have exactly the same amounts of fat (4 grams) and calories (35). The only difference is the kind of unhealthy fat: butter has saturated fat, the main cause of high cholesterol. Margarine contains trans fat, which is so insanely unhealthy.



Butter or margarine?

For baking and cooking, switch to soft tub or liquid margarine; many are now trans fat-free and reasonably low in saturated fat. For toast, use soft spreads or, even better, dip your bread into a little extra-virgin olive oil, one of the healthiest fats nature ever invented.

FUN WITH NUMBERS

10 x 10 plus 11 x 11 plus 12 x 12 = 365

13 x 13 plus 14 x 14 = 365


The values 10 x 10 through 14 x 14 are the only consecutive products that give identical results when arranged as above. By coincidence, the results are the number of days in a year.

THE SEEKER OF TRUTH

This is a story told by holy men in the East

A seeker after truth sought out a yoga master and begged him to help him achieve the enlightenment of perfect union with his true self. The master told him to go into a room and meditate on God for as long as he could.

After just two hours the seeker emerged distraught, saying that he could not concentrate, since his mind kept thinking about his much beloved bull he had left at home. The master then told him to return to the room and meditate on his bull. This time the would-be yoga entered the room and after two days had still not emerged. Finally the master called him to come out. From within the seeker replied, "I cannot; my horns are too wide to fit through the door."

The seeker had reached such a state of concentration that he had lost all sense of separation from his object of concentration.

PAGES FROM THE PAST - MARCO POLO

If Marco Polo had not been captured by the Genoese and imprisoned for a year, the tales of his historic twenty-two year adventure in the Far and Middle East (at the end of the thirteenth century) might never have been collected and written down.

When he returned to Venice after his odyssey, he became a "gentleman commander" of a war vessel striving to hold off Genoese traders. In a battle off Curzold Island, his galley was captured and Marco was hauled off to Genoa and jailed. There he met a writer named Rustichello, who--hearing Marco's yams--insisted they be written down.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - GARDENING

"When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable
plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant."

Author Unknown

REAPING THE HARVEST

At young age, we learned that planting a garden was important. It taught us a lot how plants grow and where we get our food from. We especially liked the planting process when we would dig up the dirt with a shovel and break it apart, to raking the dirt before planting the seeds, careful to follow the directions on the seed containers. It was a lot of work, but fun to watch the vegetables and flowers grow. We would have to care for it by watering it and hoeing around the plants to keep the weeds out. Then the produce could be gathered and eaten.



It is a share that many young people today, especially those in the city think that fruits and vegetables are made at the grocery store. We thank our parents for teaching us about how things grow and to reap the harvest.

A PRICELESS TREASURE

Do you give freely and generously?

And why do you give, for reward or for love?

What is the best investment you can make with your life?

The gospel presents us with a paradox: we lose what we keep, and we gain what we give away. When we lose our lives for Jesus Christ, we gain a priceless treasure and an inheritance which last forever. Whatever we give to God comes back a hundredfold. Generosity flows from a heart full of gratitude for the abundant mercy and grace which God grants.

JOKE TIME - THE BLIND MAN

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.

"There is a blind man to see you," she says.

"Well, if he is a blind man, then it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."



The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

THE LATER YEARS

Suffering in silence!

The number of unwanted parents who struggle alone without anyone to help is in the increase. Neglecting one's aged parents, whatever the reason, is wrong. However, it is a relief that there are, on the other hand, people who care for the elderly.

Older people sometimes see themselves as no longer being productive members of society. They often feel they have been moved aside to make way for others. They miss the job satisfaction they had, and the economic security that went with it. Parents whose families are grown feel less needed than they once were. Because the nuclear family (parents and children) has largely replaced the extended family (three or more generations living together), many of the links between generations are broken. The views of grandparents are no longer sought in family management and, in some cases, are refused. The loss of role of director or adviser is especially hard for some older people.

For a number of reasons, old people turn inward and attend increasingly to their personal needs. They no longer actively attempt to change their environment, but adopt a passive attitude toward it. As they grow older, the feeling of displacement sets in.

Some old people talk about the past a lot. The joys of their life are relived in memory. Enjoying through what others do also becomes important.

OF SAYNS EN SEMBOLS

Made in China

... up and down you go, man!

... no... no... just before you get lost
file a missing person report at the police station!

... how dare you insult me, Screwdriver!

... der Gesang wird verboten!

... and fall down slowly!!!

... and keep the used tissue for memory's sake!

,.. preggy at 70?

???

... nothing big... just a little bump on the head!!!

... ja ja ja!!!

... and thank you for going!!!

... my pleasure to meet you, Mr. Products!

... and run for your life!!!

... better break the glass!!!

... they bite!!!

... sports and small people
with hairy feet section!!!

... you are welcome!!!

Q & A - HUSBAND AND WIFE

WIFE

What would you do if I died?
Would you get married again?

HUSBAND

Definitely not!

WIFE

Why not--don't you like being married?

HUSBAND

Of course, I do!

WIFE

Then, why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND

Okay, I'd get married again!

WIFE

You would? (with hurtful look on her face)!

HUSBAND

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND

Why not, it's a great house!

WIFE

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE

-- silence --

HUSBAND

F. . k!!!



Women.... women....
they always expect men to read their minds!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - WORK

"One machine can do the work
of 50 ordinary men. No machine can do
the work of one extraordinary man."

Anonymous

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

Recently, I was assigned to report on the common abuses taking place in our workstation. It took me sometime to figure out what to do. To be caught in between two conflicting thoughts was not easy. It was either cover up for your work friends, or be loyal to the company' whether to tell or not to tell.

Defining and addressing the problems greatly affecting work colleagues are not an easy task, especially when personal interests are at stake. Problems are inevitable part of the workplace whether it has something to do with organizational policies, interpersonal conflicts or employer-employee relations.

An unpleasant workplace can be a cause of major stress and unhappiness for workers. In addition to making the workweek unbearable, the inevitable thought of Saturday creeping closer can certainly follow stressed workers home over the weekend and ruin relaxation time.

An organization to be efficient, problems must not be ignored, but solved and an effective solution is found and implemented so that they do not recur. Finding the easiest solutions are not the answers to the problems in the workstation, but getting to the root of the issue because a minor problem could be the first sign of a major crisis.

RICH MEN, POOR MEN ... in battle!!!

Wealthy Roman armies

Even in the olden days in the battlefield, rich and poor were treated differently.

In the supreme Roman army--efficient, well trained, and usually well officered--equipment and role were one time determined by wealth. The richest men wore shield, breastplate, greaves (armor for the leg below the knee), helmet, and carried sword and spear. The less-wealthy men did not wear breastplates. Poor men were equipped with only a helmet. The poorest men had no armor at all, but carried spear and sword.



Poor Roman armies

WHERE WAS I?

"It's on the tip of my tongue!"

"I can't seem to recall a thing!"

"Sorry, I have a very short memory!"

"Where was I?"

If there is one fact about memory that all of us know, it is that we do not remember everything. In fact, there are times when it seems we can't remember anything. People's names, appointments, material crammed for an exam, telephone numbers--all escape us just when we need them most. At the same time, we often remember other things that don't strike us as being very important. Research has been done on this problem and psychologists have several theories to explain how and why we seem to forget material we have learned.

One explanation why we forget is the interference theory. We have all had the embarrassing experience of being interrupted in the middle of a conversation and not being able to pick up where we left off. We completely forget what we were talking about. Often, the people we were talking with will help out by giving us a cue.

"Where was I?" phenomenon illustrates the role of interference. It refers to the fact that new material gets in the way of old material. This type of interference is called retroactive, we remember the new information but forget the old information. We have been interrupted and the new experience interfered with our memory of the earlier discussion. The new material overpowers the older learned material and becomes stronger and more dominant n our memory. It causes the other knowledge to be unlearned--we forget old material so that we may learn new material more readily. This view suggests that there is limit to the amount stored in memory at any one time. As new information arrives, it pushes out things that are already in readily available locations. If no additional information comes in, then no forgetting will occur.

THE CHRYSANTHEMUM AT ITS BEST

Chrysanthemum is considered one of the most showy perennial flowering plants, but did you know that the flower requires an uninterrupted period of approximately hours of darkness of an autumn night before it will flower.

Commercial flower growers, in order to delay the blossoming for a more profitable market, illuminate the plants briefly at night to break up the dark period.

THEY TREAT THEM AS SLAVES

This woman employer brutally abused her maid for a year and got 15 days jail sentence only! This is ridiculous. Is justice served right here? This employer should be given a dose of her own medicine by long years of incarceration. Where is the spirit of the law in this case? And this evil woman isn't even remorseful for her crime.

Thousands of other helpers have reported extensive maltreatment. There are three common types of psychological abuse that employers committed against domestic helpers: rejection, which could lead to isolation and depression; negative criticism; and the expectation of availability 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They treat workers like slaves. They do not consider them as humans.

There are some women not strong enough and would crack under such conditions, mostly if they are isolated from their families, which could lead to catastrophic results. A report on the treatment of domestic helpers revealed other forms of maltreatment, including sexual harassment, rape, withholding of wages, prolonged working hours and beatings, which sometimes led to death. When an employer does not want to pay his financial obligations, he claims the employee stole from him. When police discover she is an illegal resident, she gets deported without having the chance to claim her rights.

A domestic helper died from her injuries after she was thrown out of a balcony by her female employer. According to the employer, who is free on bail, she "fell from the balcony" after the two women fought over a mobile phone that belonged to the victim.

Each woman has a heart-wrenching story to tell. One said she has not been paid for months, another was physically assaulted and a third had her passports confiscated and was prevented from contacting her family.

Abuses, high or isolated should be addressed properly. Immediate and effective actions should be undertaken to alleviate the plights of these poor souls.