JOKE TIME - DOOR-TO-DOOR

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet!"

ja ja ja!!! yaiiikkk!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - BROKEN HEART

"The greatest pain that comes from love
is loving someone you can never have."

Anonymous

DRAMA MAMA

There's a saying that goes: "Save the drama for your mama." But in this case, the mama caused the drama that led to her sons not moving forward with marrying their fiancees. The saga began when the mother of the young men and the mother of the young women got into a heated argument over the color of the bridal gowns. The argument turned into a knock-down-drag-out between the two women. The daughters attempt to break up the fight only worsened the situation. Angry and disheveled, the mother of the young men went home and ordered them to call off the weddings.


In many parts of the world, a son might try to talk his mom out of the decision, or go to the father to get him to persuade mom to change her mind, but not here, mother's wishes are not be ignored; the sons immediately called off the wedding without question.

"Better a broken engagement today, than a broken home tomorrow!"

WHAT'S IN A WORD - EUREKA

Archimedes

A cry of triumph!!!

"I have found it!" Archimedes, the ancient scientist of Syracuse, Sicily, is supposed to have run through the streets shouting, "Eureka, Eureka," after he had discovered a method of finding the exact amount of gold in a crown. This discovery led to the formulation of the principles of flotation. Eureka is a cry of triumph.

Appropriately, it is the motto of California where gold was once found in a different way.

OF CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

What drives a person to commit heinous crime? How can someone take the life of another? There are probably many reasons for committing the act, but how they can do it is in their mental makeup. Would capital punishment handed down to law violators help solve human lawlessness? What could possibly be too cruel and unusual punishment for the gravest crime committed?

There is no question that punishment serves many purposes. For many reasons, the issue of punishment is of vital concern to civilized society, with the end in view of knowing the effects and the best way of carrying it out. We want to punish, but we also want to know that such punishment is justified.

FINGER POINTING

A man asked his father-in-law, “Many people praised you for a successful marriage, could you please share with me your secret?”. The father-in-law answered in a smile, “Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, he could not find a better husband than you.”

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war.

We should always remember than when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistakes, too. Finger pointing doesn’t solve any problem. It normally leads in out of control, heated personal attacks, badmouthing, the end result is physical fighting.



A few rules should be set in place to maintain a level of civility.

WHAT'S IN A WORD - SERENDIPITY

Serendip is a form of the old Arabic name of the island of Ceylon. In a letter written on January 28, 1754, Horace Walpole tells that he coined the word serendipity from the title of a story, "The Three Princess of Serendip," the heroes of which "were always making discoveries, by accident and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of." Hence, serendipity is the ability to make lucky finds, the gift or faculty of making unexpected and happy discoveries by accident.

SEXUAL RESPONSIBILITY

Liking, loving, and sexual relationships form the human connection that expands the boundaries of self. The person who does not reach out for the hand of another, or whose extended hand is not grasped by another, is cut adrift. The isolated individual may become lonely or depressed. But the person whose life includes love and intimacy is a person whose life is enriched.

To promote a positive outlook on our own sexuality, we need to remember that sex is more than just a set of learned techniques, of pleasurable sensations. We need to accept our own body and the responsibility for someone else's. We must be willing to give and receive. But it is not enough to know what to do physically. For many, the most satisfactory sexual relationship takes place within a loving, caring relationship. If we want sex to reach its potential as a fulfilling human experience, we need to develop attitudes of trust and sharing. Sex strips us of our protective masks. It opens up our vulnerability. That is why it can be so frightening if misused and so glorious if filled with assurances of love and respect.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - EYE

"The eye speaks with an eloquence
and truthfulness surpassing speech. It
is the window out of which the winged thoughts
often fly unwittingly. It is the tiny magic
mirror on whose crystal surface the
moods of feeling fitfully play, like
the sunlight and shadow on a
still stream."



Henry Theodore Tuckerman

WHAT'S IN A PHRASE - "MAKING WITH THE EYES"

The "wool is being pulled over your eyes" when you allow yourself to be inveigled into something. Inveigle comes from aveugle, French for blind, which goes back to oculus, the Latin word for eye (ab + oculus, without the use of your eyes).

If you "make eyes at a girl" or "give her the eye" you are ogling her. Ogle comes from the Dutch word for eye and is related both to the German word auge and the Latin oculus. A supercillious person is one who arches his eyebrows and looks down his nose at you; in other words, "a high-brow" who "high-hats" you. Supercillious is made up of super (above or high) and cillia (eyelids or eyebrows). A person who is haughty (French haut, high) is just "uppity."

If you "close your eyes to" something that you know is going to happen you are guilty of conniving, the literal meaning of which is "winking along with."

ANIMAL WORLD - OKAPI

The okapi wash its own ears with its fourteen-inch-long tongue. It also uses the tongue to flick flies from its withers, clean its face, and reach the tender shoots of tall shrubs and trees. The okapi has a shape reminiscent of giraffe. It is smaller and has a shorter neck. It is deep reddish brown with black-and-white zebra-striped legs.

ARE YOU A HYPOCHONDRIAC?

I believe my work colleague is suffering from hypochondriasis. He worries excessively about his physical health, even when there is little or no evidence that anything is wrong with him. When one symptom goes away, another takes its place. Everyday he talks about his physical health; pains in the chest one day, stomach cramps the next, and headaches the third. These complaints do not usually follow any logical pattern. He browses the internet for hours about anything affecting his health hoping to find a magic cure for this pain, that pain, any pain.

Many of us experience the symptoms of hypochondriasis at one time or another. But the true hypochondriac usually sees these symptoms as evidence of deadly illnesses. They are preoccupied with health matters and have unrealistic fear of disease. A clean bill of health from various doctors may provide little reassurance. The hypochondriac either continues to believe that the illness is present or acquires another to take its place.

VALUE AND APPROPRIATENESS

Originality in itself does not guarantee the creative spark. What we create must have value for either ourselves or others. We can work at a problem in many new ways, but if our answers are consistently wrong, originality means nothing. Creativity is always appropriate to the problems or situation. We can talk in gibberish, but if no one understands what we are saying, our originality is without value.

Value and appropriateness both characterize the creative products.

WHAT'S YOUR WIFE'S NAME?

Strange Story

Does it need to be said that if you are going to get a divorce it helps to remember the name of your wife? Apparently so.



Sorry, Your Honor,
I forgot my wife's name!!!


A man in his 70s went to a local court seeking a divorce from his wife of 18 years. When the judge inconvenienced the man by asking him the name of his wife, the man couldn't remember and just gave the judge a few names to pick from--none of which turned out to be correct. The judge asked the man to come back after he had collected enough data about his wife.

Perhaps this gives an indication as to why the marriage failed; people like loved ones to remember their names!

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY - LORD BYRON

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY


by
Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heavens to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow.
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

HAPPY HEART DAY TO ALL!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - ORIGINALITY

"Originality exists in every individual
because each of us differs from the others.
We are all primary numbers divisible
only by ourselves."



Jean Guitton

A RECIPE OF CREATIVITY

A cup of this ...
A teaspoon of that ...
A pinch of this ...
A slice of that ...

The process of being creative involves expressing one's thoughts or feelings in a new way. Familiar materials--words, paint, musical tones, mathematical data--are rearranged to produce a unique product that expresses the capabilities of a unique individual.

The creative process involves being unconventional--striking out on your own and doing something differently. If you copy another person's painting, not adding anything to the other person's idea, your work is not creative, no matter how skilled you are. But even a painting or a badly worded sentence can be creative, if it brings new insight and freshness to the topic. Novelty, unconventionality, and freshness are essential ingredients of creative process.

UPWARD AND DOWNWARD INFLECTION

A student asked what inflection in voice is all about.

If we don't have inflection in our voice, we do not have vocal variation. Our voice sound monotone, which is comparable to listening to a boring professor giving a speech. Usually, downward inflection allows others to perceive that we are making a serious statement, but too much downward inflection can lead to a boring monotone conversation. Obviously, we do not want to bore the person we are talking to, so spice up speech with a little inflection.

Generally, our voice will have an upward inflection at the end of a sentence that is posed as a question. In this case, upward inflection is good; it shows curiosity. But if you use upward inflection with all your thoughts, soon you will sound as if you do not hold much certainty in your own statements. You will constantly appear to be asking for approval, even if that is not how you mean to sound, so be cautious at what points in your speech you make your voice go upward or downward.

TRIVIA - EVOLUTION

Charles Darwin

Did you know that Charles Darwin rarely used the term "evolution." It was popularized by the English sociologist Herbert Spencer, who also popularized the phrase, "survival of the fittest."

Herbert Spencer

THE KILLER TORTOISE

Aeschylus

The Greek playwright Aeschylus, according to some sources, was killed by a tortoise.

How did it happen?

The animal, it is said, was dropped from the claws of an eagle flying overhead, which mistook Aeschylus' bald head for a rock! uggghhh!!!



Baldy-baldy beware of eagle flying overhead!!!

JOKE TIME - THE GOLDFISH AND THE CAT

Yummyyy!!!

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked,

"What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"

"My goldfish died,"


replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up,

"and I've just buried him."


The neighbor was concerned,

"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"


As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied,

"That's because he's inside your cat!"

ARTICULATION

Here's to my work colleague,
who speaks so fast like a parrot
that you can hardly understand
a word he says, ja ja ja!!!

Has anyone ever told you to enunciate better? If they have, they were referring to your articulation. If you tend to slur words and thoughts together, you may be viewed as having vague ideas or an uninterested or intolerant attitude to the one you are conversing with.

So that others realize you care about your thoughts and opinions, and that you have a clear mind, practice speaking more clearly. If you don't know how to say a word accurately, look it up in the dictionary, and discover how to pronounce it properly. Usually clear speech gets much more attention because others view you as being more serious and able to put together clear thoughts.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY - FLOWERS

"Where flowers bloom

so does hope."

Lady Bird Johnson

GREEN WORLD - YELLOW PRIMROSE

Yellow primrose

The yellow evening primrose
opens only at dusk, and so swiftly
that it can be seen and heard.

The buds sound like popping
soap bubbles as they burst.

MYTH - FACT - MARGARINE

Myth

Margarine has less fat than butter.


Fact

Blame this one on slick marketing. A teaspoon of butter and stick margarine have exactly the same amounts of fat (4 grams) and calories (35). The only difference is the kind of unhealthy fat: butter has saturated fat, the main cause of high cholesterol. Margarine contains trans fat, which is so insanely unhealthy.



Butter or margarine?

For baking and cooking, switch to soft tub or liquid margarine; many are now trans fat-free and reasonably low in saturated fat. For toast, use soft spreads or, even better, dip your bread into a little extra-virgin olive oil, one of the healthiest fats nature ever invented.

FUN WITH NUMBERS

10 x 10 plus 11 x 11 plus 12 x 12 = 365

13 x 13 plus 14 x 14 = 365


The values 10 x 10 through 14 x 14 are the only consecutive products that give identical results when arranged as above. By coincidence, the results are the number of days in a year.

THE SEEKER OF TRUTH

This is a story told by holy men in the East

A seeker after truth sought out a yoga master and begged him to help him achieve the enlightenment of perfect union with his true self. The master told him to go into a room and meditate on God for as long as he could.

After just two hours the seeker emerged distraught, saying that he could not concentrate, since his mind kept thinking about his much beloved bull he had left at home. The master then told him to return to the room and meditate on his bull. This time the would-be yoga entered the room and after two days had still not emerged. Finally the master called him to come out. From within the seeker replied, "I cannot; my horns are too wide to fit through the door."

The seeker had reached such a state of concentration that he had lost all sense of separation from his object of concentration.